1 Hour 33 Minutes 12 Seconds!
Saturday, September 14, 2024
Blacks vs. Whites
I decided I am nicer to Blacks when both Whites and Blacks are around because I think when I was like 7 years old I decided deep down I would never be mean to someone who is not treated that they are White.
However, around Whites I am more polite.
Conundrum, Comments, Critiques
I told a lady at the desk downstairs I was gonna go to a White person who works here and say what are you doing to the Black people working here, they seem to be in a bad mood and the older African American ladies are here today and really hurt me with the noises and it's just that I'm sensitive to noises and they didn't break any rules or anything. She really wanted to know who it was, said to ask my nurse to see a supervisor and asked who my nurse was, and said it was my home and I should be happy here. She was shorter than me, bleached hair, light bright blue eyes, a little more obese than me, and probably German American. I fixed myself up for her but looked hurt. I felt closed up being from Orlando, though could communicate, still. I relayed I was just "different" but "special," an old German American sentiment at least popular around 2005, sometime.
Racism...
Do you think White people want Black people? Black people are being mean to me for White people, even especially older women in the nursing home maybe, who work here.
Listening to Music
I'm listening to recent orchestral music and making a playlist and will post what I've been listening to.
Andre Rieu...
Something I already had in common with Andre Rieu is not liking the autistic-ly advanced feeling of most orchestras today, led by both young and older conductors.
Something different is wondering if people wanted to "make it big" in some way as much as him regarding exactly what they do technically, not focusing on them as people expecting themselves to be more and blaming it all on others and being mean to me etc.
Question
If it doesn't bother other people why I had problems getting the right foods and having space to exercise, too shy to come out of my room when I came home from college, why has this all been about me being picked on for how I look still and how I get prevented from looking how I want?
film|boards
film|boards post by me
It's about people who framed me.
link
Margaret said because when I was in the other class in 6th grade, we had a project and "out of nowhere" I didn't wait for her she acted traumatized and absolutely upset with me. Since then… Also, in the car on the way home from the last day of school I tried to make a joke typical of her and my other friends and said about our T-shirts that said "Catholic Schools - Schools You Can Believe In" "at least I don't go around giving false messages." She acted like there was something wrong with me since then, too. She didn't talk to me and looked away and didn't answer when I spoke waiting after school every day. When we visited when I moved, she wouldn't talk to me and then focused on playing with my younger brother. She got mad at me and made me mad, somehow. I slammed the door by accident when her mom was downstairs with my mom, and her mom wouldn't come back again and still was distant and had to be careful around me so Margaret wouldn't be jealous.
My younger brother new my parents were set up to make a nice environment when I got in some good Talented Arts and Gifted classes at age 16 in high school and was at a nice ballet school sorta. He seemed frantic. I played at church they year before and didn't have time to stay up on Saturdays watching movies with him, which were cool but still "suck"-y. He never talked much to me but was upset. So, he got a dog and said it was because he liked watching movies about boys with dogs. It was a golden retriever. We had to build a fence. Slowly, until now my life has wound down the drain. He also made the decision not to give me my money.. making excuses. Also, he didn't take care of the dog later on when my mom said and it slept in my parent's room for years. My mom cared for it and it died when I had to watch it outside in the sun.
🌙
I just sent a bunch of friend requests on Facebook and am going back to bed, feeling sore and low on energy now.
Update
On the right side of this blog, I added pages. I added a playlist of Catholic Hymns in it, under the page "Music Playlists - Audio."
Friday, September 13, 2024
🩸
I think my blood sugar was about 150 last night, this morning, and this afternoon.
I'm usually like 230-380, now.
Activities
It seems like a lot of activities in the nursing home have been cancelled, lately. Maybe, at least 3 in the past several days.
Absuive
A young guy with dark hair in a wheel chair just rolled by in the nursing home and told me to turn down my music and I just asked "Why?" assertively.
Apartment!
I'm applying to an apartment by the old conservatory of music I went to. The man on the phone was so interesting. He seemed tender and at the end had a delightful evil laugh. He was resounding in aura but had a rather thin but attractive voice.
I already applied in August.
Maybe around $900. Not bad.
I'm gonna work, already applied for a job there, actually.
Music
The female soloist is actually star quality. Of course, you're saying she's good and comparing her to others "of her time."
Strangely enough, so is the male.
Catholic Hymn:
Morning - Woke Up
I took a morning walk downstairs, down the hall, there.
My blood sugar was only 165, a low for me.
Thursday, September 12, 2024
Andre Rieu...
I already waited patiently and talked around my problems, and it's funny Andre Rieu is still sore. So "how long" and "how much" is this a problem?
Andre Rieu - "The Wait"
What is Andre Rieu doing doing s*** to me now dancing like an idiot if he's going to be nice to me, later? For you stupider people, when I say he's dancing like an idiot I don't assume it's a negative connotation. If he's waiting, shouldn't there be some sort of pause or other action "first," you know like to get it over with? So, what happens after he dances around like an idiot? Does he curl up and tremble and say, "Feel the power?" So, I need to make it informed that in saying he is sometimes "dancing around like an idiot" it's not that every time he dances but just when he's hating on me after he promised me so much like I'm s*** to think anything matters but just if he does it to me. I know if someone else did all this stuff it'd be okay. That's a big thing. It's like I do all this wonderful stuff, but people are mean to me. If someone else said it, their dreams would come true and I'd be depressed about it being unfair.
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